I was happy. My weight wasn’t.

This is a difficult post for me to write. Even knowing I am not the only one out there. Many people are dealing with the same issues. I get it. But it does not make it any easier.

Here we go

I have struggled with weight all my life. Well…all my life meaning…when I actually started caring what my weight was doing – in undergrad. Long story short over the course of 6 years I went from 130 to 140 to 145 where I stayed stagnant throughout college until I hit Nursing school where I let myself get up to a whopping 170 lbs (in just a year and a half). Now – before you say that’s not a lot…for me it is. I am petite-framed 5′ 0″ (I will claim the extra inch until the day I die) and my body isn’t built to carry that much weight – just ask my aching bones, muscles and fatigue.

The Trigger

I remember the exact day something kicked in for me. December 3rd, 2011 the day my best friend was getting married. It was one picture of myself that shocked me. As if I had never seen my face before. I looked at myself and thought….my face is swollen….and it hit me. Nope. It’s not swelling, it’s not retaining water or from having too much salt the night before…it was all fat. My size 12 jeans that I had been wearing all through college….the tags were morphing to size 14…..wait my mom wears size 14….this can’t be real. I can’t be the same size as my MOM….

What did I do – Long Story Short

From then on I kicked my own butt into high gear. I started to write down every little thing I ate down to every piece of candy ( I am an addict – I admit it). Changed the way I ate – portion control – I still ate what I loved for the most part. I started my first job as an RN working Labor and Delivery which was a huge blessing because it ensured I as on my feet for a greater part (if not all) of our 12 – 13 hour work day(and night when I was on night shift)! I got myself a trainer who gladly kicked my behind two sometimes three times a week. (I love you Tracy. So Much.) and soon thereafter I started Graduate school again. I was constantly on the go. When I was sitting I was sleeping. When I was awake I was moving. I saw myself melt from the highest weight I have ever been in my entire life —> 170 lbs over the course of a year and a half I came down to my personal goal of 135 lbs and let me tell you. I was ready to conquer the world!

The Golden….Year – 2014

I remember the day I turned 28. I had a big BBQ House party with my closest friends from college some from in town some who drove in to celebrate. I felt so alive and loved and beautiful. I was 135 lbs wearing size 8 jeans and a small top…..A SMALL!!!! I was stronger, and more fit than I had ever been. I even have some muscle! (cute muscle haha). One month later I was engaged to the love of my life and was wedding planning. Could live be more perfect? All my hard work had paid off ten fold. A fiance, wedding planning, graduate school, a full-time job as an RN, training 3 days a week, plus family obligations. My plate was so full and I was happy. Genuinely happy.

The Decline

May 1st I took my final exams. The start of mt 9 month break from higher education. May 15th was my last day of work. May 23rd my religious wedding ceremony. My plate started to empty of the things I enjoyed and filled with wedding planning and only wedding planning. My training days were replaced with vendor appointments, bridal wear trials, cake tastings, food tastings. Don’t get me wrong I am still happy. I mean come on I am getting married! HELL YEAH! At some point 135 lbs  became 145 lbs. I found myself being given away to my best friend 10 lbs heavier than I was the day he decided to marry me. BUT it’s ok. I was happy. Everyone was happy. We had a beautiful wedding.

We were happy

I started grad school again after transferring from UT Houston to TWU in Dallas. I started to take my love to photography to a level I had never thought I would reach. I had a beautiful new family to love and spend time with. My plate was full again. I was happy. Slowly that 145 hit 150. We started to travel the world together. Indonesia, Paris, Costa Rica, Caribbean Cruises, Malaysia….that 150 grew to 160 lbs. I studied my behind off, earned my degree, graduated, we packed up our life in Dallas and moved to Seattle and that 160 lbs slowly grew to 165 lbs. But I was happy. I was loved. I was growing in life, education, and career.

 

 

Today, I continue to grow in life, education and in my career but today I stepped on the scale to realize/confirm (call it what you want) that I’ve officially gained all that I lost and am at 170 lbs again. The same 170 lbs that I ran from in 2011 has officially returned in 2017.

and TODAY I am going to do something about it.

-T

 

Totally Tania

8 Comments

  1. First off – the photos in this post are beautiful, you are beautiful! I have been struggling with weight recently, up and down so often – my diet & exercise doesn’t make a difference but every few weeks I gain or lose 5lbs. Good luck with everything 🙂

    • Tamsin – Thank you for your kind words. I truly appreciate it! I hear you about the +/- 5lbs – that’s the worst because your making progress but you didn’t? Keep at it! We can do this!

  2. Hi Tania!

    I can totally relate with your post! I’m 5ft too and Asian, and I’ve struggled with my weight since 2015. I gained 20lbs more than my usual weight, and I was totally depressed. I just got to my almost normal weight this year, and if I would give you tips, I would tell you to just take things slow. Just eat healthy, make healthy choices, and just trust the process. It’ll really take a while to reach your normal weight, but you’ll reach that point! <3

    Good luck x

    • Thank you Kim!!! It’s always so helpful to hear success stories because it encourages you to keep going. Congrats on your incredible achievement!

  3. What a great and positive decision and making a blog is definitely a great way to make sure you do it. I’ve piled on the weight since a bad accident. Here’s hoping your progress will inspire me!

    • Thank you! I am so sorry to hear about your accident. It’s hard to get re-motivated but here’s to hoping this will inspire us both!

  4. You are so brave to share your story here. I hope that your focus is strong and you can be where you want to be again! You are beautiful!

    • Brave or stupid – haven’t quite decided. Hoping this will help keep me accountable. Thanks for your positive thoughts!

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